My expectations for Prometheus were markedly low. (I am aware I sound like a broken record of low expectations.) Still, as the vodka coursed through my veins and the opening scenes washed over me it seemed that I was in for a pleasant surprise. The first fiveish minutes are gorgeous and moody, and the special effects are beautifully executed. I was wrong, but at least now I know if I ever want to make my film look awesome I just need to shoot in Iceland.
I am fully aware that idiocy is a universal trait, and even the brightest minds can fall victim to it. That being said, these characters are too fucking stupid to be real. If I’m on a project that costs bajillions and involves years in stasis to travel to an unknown planet, I’m pretty sure I’d stick to a “better safe than sorry” plan of action. Instead, these people spurn every precaution and seem to be recklessness personified. “Because the writers said so” just isn’t a legitimate reason to accept the decisions these characters make.
Michael Fassbender delivered a solid performance, and the scene with his finger and the glass of water played out lovely. The opening scenes with him dyeing his hair and emulating Lawrence of Arabia were subtle and adorable. Charlize was fine, if a bit one-dimensional and ultimately pointless. Idris was solid and beautiful and had some nice dialogue. The film would have been a lot better if you’d seen them sexin’. Noomi Rapace I just cannot get behind. She leaves me completely cold, and what she had to work with was a joke anyway. (For anyone who’s seen the amazing UK show Grandma’s House, she kept reminding me of Simon’s Aunt Liz, particularly toward the end when she was frantic and her hair was a mess; taking her seriously was entirely impossible after that mental connection was formed.)
I don’t care how high-tech the machine is that cuts open your abdomen and staples it shut, you’re not going to be able to function normally post-op, let alone run around for an extended period of time without your gaping wound opening up.
And then when they let that infected guy into the ship even though he’s not responding on his communicator and is curled up in an insane pretzel? By that point they’re aware some crazy and dangerous shit is going on, and there’s no human in any world, in any future, that would be so flippant as to open their ship to a crew member who was thought to be dead and is acting super creepy.
By the end it’s all fallen flat. They could have had a profound moment between the Architect and Noomi, but instead he just chases her for a bit and is killed by her alien baby that everyone knew wasn’t really dead. Bleh.
Then of course, there are these: